Do It All Cell Phones

Don’t look now, but cell phones are evolving. It’s not enough for you to chat with a friend while walking around and annoying a few people. Now it offers several impressive features that allow you through the power of wireless technology, to annoy everyone. With today’s phone you can watch music videos, football games, play video games, take digital photos, be on facebook, and vote on American idol. There’s even a button to record a reminder “don’t forget to turn the volume down in church while playing tomb raider”.

As if that isn’t enough, one provider has begun selling handsets that allow people to sing karaoke. And you thought the bus ride to work or school was bad, now you can hear top hits like “I feel like a woman” or “Hit me baby one more time”. The karaoke phones are being offered in Thailand for now, but it won’t be long before they spread to other countries. Ordinary phones are being used millions of times a day to transmit bad voices. Karaoke phones will only make things worse, especially if they get into the wrong hands, namely construction workers. They’ll be serenading everyone: “Hey baby, hey baby, hey.”

Without karaoke, your phone will have ample room for these amazing features:

Dial a Date: with a touch of a button, the phone will connect you to potential mates, allowing you to see and hear them, before committing to that first date.
Emergency Aid: if your taking a walk and a rabid dog attacks you, don’t panic. Just press the emergency button on your cell phone and a picture of Michael Jackson will appear screaming “Beat it! Just beat it” that should frighten the dog enough for you to make a quick getaway.
Quick Scan: if you don’t want to be seen with sports illustrated swimsuit issue, just scan it into your phone and read it at your leisure. Then press the send button to share it with friends.

While most consumers are eager to camp out waiting for the latest gadgets to arrive at stores, I’m satisfied with my primitive cell phone. As a married man, I’m better off without certain features. Just last week I was at the grocery store, and called my wife to say I wasn’t sure which ice cream to buy. She said don’t worry, sweetie I’ll help you, just send me photos of all the choices. And don’t forget a close-up of the nutrition facts. I replied with a sigh; hang on honey I have to stand behind 30 other clueless men. And her wise comment reply to me was that if I had karaoke on my phone, then I could have entertained them! Thank Goodness that I don’t!

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